10 years ago.

10 years ago seems like yesterday...

the year 2000 was the big Y2K ahah i remember waiting on new years to see if my computer worked and hearing of people storing food for the mass chaos that was about to happen. WOW never did. Were you one of those who was panicking and wondering what would happen..then 2001 came. Wow. this was a life changing year for me, i met my ex husband in june of 2001 and we were married in december 2001. I think about that moment. That time i walked into the door of the church and asked am i doing the right thing? It is true what Jeremiah says, The heart is deceitfully wicked. This is so true because sometimes You think you know what you want, and in reality well, its not what you need. Then came 2002, the most memorable by far. I got pregnant in 2002 with my baby girl, im not sure if i was ready, well you really are never ready to be a parent, but Miss Sunshine was there. I remember the first time i felt her flutter in my womb. It moved my heart because something inside of me was growing. (amazing) The first doc appt set, we hear the heart beat, the joy of tears, and they say November 30 is your due date. Time goes bye....spring turns to fall, then on october 7, 2002 I go to the doctor. What was a routine check up, led me to the hospital to deliver Miss Iliana Rebekah Xochitl Baldwin. Scared and unsure what was happening my week long visit to the hospital had me go into emergency sugery and premature delivery of a 3.2lb baby girl. Most scariest time of my life, but somehow the sound of thunder happen and they took this tiny little thing from inside of my womb, she screamed at the top of her lungs.... her dad watching the doctors as they say wow those are lungs, finally they bring her over to me..this tiny small orange sized head filled with dark brown hairs, her eyes looking at me saying hello, was finally here. She was as shoe box baby. Only problem was her weight. 2 weeks later she came home...on halloween..cutest little 4lb baby ever...i dont remember much of 2003-2004 i know they came and left, as i was in a functioning state of depression with the way life was going and a crazy battle with the consequences of doing what you want not what GOd wants...2005..well this changed my life forever. Separation, fear, tears, hate, love, unforgiveness, confusion, pain, abandonment, all the things that can happen as you change you status from Married to confusing to ultimately divorce. but its ok because 2005 ended and 2006 begun.Iliana in school Healing, reconciliation with God, health, positive self image..all the things that happen when God begins the process of healing. This is the year i fell in love with my work all over again; I was free from feeling depressed! 2007 a year of perfection. Iliana starts 1st grade and her life changes from being this shy intimidated little girl to this stronger more outgoing kid who is amazing. I begin to see there is hope..New friends come into my life the best friends ever. 2008 change change change change No more youth pastoring just Young Life more community work, more decisions more completion to the process of divorce...iliana goes to 1 grade..wow. amazing..she is stronger she is smarter she is wiser..i can see that i can love and trust again. AMAZING then 2009 comes..my assignment at lost canyon changed my heart for things..i met amazing people, i love more i see clearer im not afraid anymore...so much has happen in the the past 10 years..i could write all night...but the most important thing of all that has changed....IS ME!

I look forward to 2010. I never thought i would see it, but it is here. I have goals and things to accomplish. There are things i want to do new places to visit, new relationships to hold on too and more discovering the beautiful thing we call life..........

here is to 2010......