This is my favorite right now.

Theres something powerful about unfiltered worship. There is also a powerful thing that happens when you truly desire to have an intimate moment with God and allow him to consume you in every way possible. It also allows you to become very sensitive to the Holy Spirit because you are able to sit in his presence and tune your ear to him. I cannot explain it. Its like inside me, I get butterflies, thinking of Him. Theres an excitement that jumps out of my soul. It hears His name and gets excited. I love Him. Thank you Yeshua for dying for me!

Emancipated or Enslaved?

The sound of chains in my head is loud! It reminds me of the never ending battle that your heart and your mind tries to forget about being a slave. Slavery was ugly, it was fierce, it was dirty, it was everything we do not want to remember. The sound of the men and women in boats, stripped of their native land, language, culture, families and identity. Wailing from deep within their soul for the comfort of knowing they were safe, but never finding comfort. Instead, they found themselves in a land foreign to them. A land that they knew not of. A land where they would be beaten, bruised, and the very life almost taken from them. Forced to forget who there were as Africans, and forced to become someone else.

This is Slavery. Forced to become someone else under someone's control. Forced to be stripped of your very dignity and your identity. Although I did not experience slavery as so many americans ancestors have, I have experienced spiritual slavery. YES! There is such a thing. Its that very moment when you realize that you are doing the very thing that you know is wrong. He who knows to do right and does not do it, well its sin. It is bondage. That my friend, is slavery. It happens.

It holds on to us, it controls us, it makes us so immune to it that it is common to us. So common that when we try to figure out what is wrong with us we look right pass it because it has become so normal we do not see anymore. Imagine you have been with your sigfigigant other for over 8 years. You have lived together, maybe you have children. However, you have never become husband and wife (married). After so many years of being together, they call your relationship "common law-marriage." When you are married, you commit to someone for the rest of your life, you vow to love and honor them, you say I DO.

So because you are now married under the common-law rule, you are commited to your signifigant other. This is how we become enslaved to something that we have done for so long we do not realize it is wrong. It has taught us to look past the beauty of true marriage, and it counterfits itself for the real thing. It disguises itself under "common-law." BUT, it is still wrong. God wants to emancipate us from this. He wants to free us from the mentality that is enslaving us and keeping us from seeing truth. When you are a slave to sin, you cannot see past what you are doing. However, God says I want to free you from this, I want to free you from the chains that are around your hands and feet.

Gods word is more powerful than any other word. His word is truth, life, and freedom. He doesnt have to sign a paper that says you are free! He gave His son as the offering for our freedom. He resurrected him so we could see the power that He has to keep us from falling back under the chains that keep us prone to weakness.

I struggled with so many things and it wasnt till today that God showed me: I do not have to walk with shackles and chains. I do not have to live commonly with my sin that I dont even recognize who I am.

Because He is My father, I am his child, marked and distinguished with a finger print only he knows. I am emancipated from the bondage of slavery. Dead to sin..ALIVE to Christ.

Romans 6:18:
Now you are free from your slavery to sin, and you have become slaves to righteous living.

Time

Time flies when you are having fun! I was reading my earlier posts from when i started this journey of a lifetime, and I realized that I have not posted a blog since January. This must mean I am too busy to actually sit and think of all the things that have happen in my life. Im here again, making goals, setting limits, and saying to myself YES YOU CAN! Im very upset with myself because I have stopped running, eating well, and taking care of my sugars, but i had a profound moment this summer. I realized I cannot live with this extra weight! It is uncomfortable and I have to change what I am doing.

It's frustrating when you are over weight, all tho, i know i am wonderfully and fearfully made, my humanistic desires have made me forget that I am created in God's image. Therefore, if I am created in His image, I must remember that this body needs to resemble Him. With that said, I am on my journey AGAIN. This time documenting everything that I do. I made a few goals to help me. Im very nervous about this because i have such a long way to go. I am anxious about it but know with God all things are possible.

So, I am here to tell you do not quit. I am not going to quit! I am going to press on to the mark of Christ Jesus, and I know I can do all things because he gives me strength.

Be encouraged today. Remember do not be sad because he gives you a song....

I am not your average girl...

So today after hearing words from an individual to another individual i realized, i am not your average girl. I realized that in the past, my relationships with others have been unhealthy and really at times maybe inappropriate, but I realized today, IM NOT YOUR AVERAGE GIRL, i like so many have made mistakes in the past, but use those mistakes to make my life better. I use those issues that i faced to make me stronger. It is not easy saying I made a mistake, but it is in those mistakes that character is formed and shaped. It is like the word of God that is useful for teaching, rebuking, edifying, lifting up, etc...It forms who you are, its alive so therfore it speaks. It shapes you into the stronger person you are and will become. Its always funny to realize you have grown, and you can look back at those experiences and realize man that mess is a message that will reach others and help others realize that they will make it in life. Life is not always a bed of roses...but thank God that you can make lemonade outta the lemons you get in life....

...just a note from an not so average girl......

Dial 911

As I watched the news today, I was thinking about the numbers 911. Those 3 little numbers get us connected to the emergency services that we need to come help us. Whether it be the ambulance, fire department, or police all 3 of those services respond to 911. They respond to crisis immediately and as fast as they can to assist whoever needs the help. It is the same with God. He responds to our 911 situation. At times it is not how we want Him to respond, but He does. He also has 3 emergency services for us. God the father, God the son, and God the Holy Spirit. Each one helps us in our crisis situation. Each one compliments the other in order for His will to be accomplished in us. Sometimes it feels like the fire is hot and the flames are going to burn us up and we need the fire department, but God says to not be anxious for anything, instead bring all our needs to Him in prayer. Life can have those moment that we need to dial 911 and sometimes it feels as if we need an ambulance to take us to the hospital for major work, but the Holy spirit does His work as a comforter in the time of pain, heartache, rejection, fear, etc. So as God showed me this, i said to myself, I need to remember that I have a direct speed dial to the greatest 911 operator....GOD.

10 years ago.

10 years ago seems like yesterday...

the year 2000 was the big Y2K ahah i remember waiting on new years to see if my computer worked and hearing of people storing food for the mass chaos that was about to happen. WOW never did. Were you one of those who was panicking and wondering what would happen..then 2001 came. Wow. this was a life changing year for me, i met my ex husband in june of 2001 and we were married in december 2001. I think about that moment. That time i walked into the door of the church and asked am i doing the right thing? It is true what Jeremiah says, The heart is deceitfully wicked. This is so true because sometimes You think you know what you want, and in reality well, its not what you need. Then came 2002, the most memorable by far. I got pregnant in 2002 with my baby girl, im not sure if i was ready, well you really are never ready to be a parent, but Miss Sunshine was there. I remember the first time i felt her flutter in my womb. It moved my heart because something inside of me was growing. (amazing) The first doc appt set, we hear the heart beat, the joy of tears, and they say November 30 is your due date. Time goes bye....spring turns to fall, then on october 7, 2002 I go to the doctor. What was a routine check up, led me to the hospital to deliver Miss Iliana Rebekah Xochitl Baldwin. Scared and unsure what was happening my week long visit to the hospital had me go into emergency sugery and premature delivery of a 3.2lb baby girl. Most scariest time of my life, but somehow the sound of thunder happen and they took this tiny little thing from inside of my womb, she screamed at the top of her lungs.... her dad watching the doctors as they say wow those are lungs, finally they bring her over to me..this tiny small orange sized head filled with dark brown hairs, her eyes looking at me saying hello, was finally here. She was as shoe box baby. Only problem was her weight. 2 weeks later she came home...on halloween..cutest little 4lb baby ever...i dont remember much of 2003-2004 i know they came and left, as i was in a functioning state of depression with the way life was going and a crazy battle with the consequences of doing what you want not what GOd wants...2005..well this changed my life forever. Separation, fear, tears, hate, love, unforgiveness, confusion, pain, abandonment, all the things that can happen as you change you status from Married to confusing to ultimately divorce. but its ok because 2005 ended and 2006 begun.Iliana in school Healing, reconciliation with God, health, positive self image..all the things that happen when God begins the process of healing. This is the year i fell in love with my work all over again; I was free from feeling depressed! 2007 a year of perfection. Iliana starts 1st grade and her life changes from being this shy intimidated little girl to this stronger more outgoing kid who is amazing. I begin to see there is hope..New friends come into my life the best friends ever. 2008 change change change change No more youth pastoring just Young Life more community work, more decisions more completion to the process of divorce...iliana goes to 1 grade..wow. amazing..she is stronger she is smarter she is wiser..i can see that i can love and trust again. AMAZING then 2009 comes..my assignment at lost canyon changed my heart for things..i met amazing people, i love more i see clearer im not afraid anymore...so much has happen in the the past 10 years..i could write all night...but the most important thing of all that has changed....IS ME!

I look forward to 2010. I never thought i would see it, but it is here. I have goals and things to accomplish. There are things i want to do new places to visit, new relationships to hold on too and more discovering the beautiful thing we call life..........

here is to 2010......

Task Completed~

Have you ever made a goal and not completed it? Shake your head and say yes! We all have done this, we all have not completed the task at hand. But i am here to tell you I competed the race. It was harder than I thought, but then again goals are often hard. They are those thorns in your flesh that cause you to question everything about you. It is harder then anything and everything sometimes. HA. I am sure I will continue to run. There is something about it that makes you feel like PUSH yourself harder so that you do not give up. Theres the high of the 2 mile that you run and feel like its therapy for you soul. Theres the cold early morning breeze that hits your legs and you are so cold that you are questioning the daunting thought of WHY AM I RUNNING AT 6am or at 9pm. But the satisfaction comes when you realize you ran farther than you did 2 days ago. Thats how life is. thats how the journey is. You go farther then you did yesterday. You quit doing what you know is wrong so that you go further in your life. You dont compromise your beliefs for the sake of making friends. You push you run, you go forward. I heard someone the other day say i like (blank) because they let me be who I am. It made my stomach curl because the person who they mentioned is a follower of Christ and they enable others to continue in their destructive behavior that will lead to pain and suffering. Makes me sick to know people cant man or woman up to say run, run, run and do what is right. Forgive and love, forgive and be forgiven. Instead people chose to compromise and not run the race because they are weak. I am weak at times but i know God can give me strength to over come the race! Ha. ya thats it. ONLY through God can you say I CAN!.....(real talk).......

YES IM BACK (its been forever)

So....Yes, i am back! Its been over a month since i blogged, its October, and that means Pumpkin Patch for Young Life. With that said it means I have been working a lot. I am still on my weight loss journey! I got sick a few weeks back so i stopped running but i picked it up again and im getting back on track! It is so frustrating when you stop running and you start all over especially with a crazy schedule it is almost like you wanna quit but something inside says DONT stop running!! I dont want to stop i want to continue to run, i want to eat as healthy as I can..So for all you who wanna QUIT! Keep going. Pursue the dream, pursue your goal! You Can! I can!!! I will hit that goal!!!! Its October and November 14 is soon. sooo my run is in 2 weeks OMG. wow. I will do it! I will survive!! hey hey!!!

PICS of what you missed for the month

My pop singing to my Uncle....(thank you Lord for Familia)The Mendoza Cousins
Ilianas 7th year at pumpkin Patch

another YL pumpkin patch daySoooo cute!!!

ilianas birthday! i like this pic of me and one my BF's crystal...

Ilianas cake for her birthday

Iliana working at the pumpkin Patch

New Hair..

Crystal with her vampire teeth at the pumpkin patch

just look...

Just look at the rich color of the field. It is vibrant, it is deep green, it is ready for Harvest...Just look at the child whose eyes are filled with tears because they are full of fears......Just look at the woman walking down N. Main Street, trying to make money by hustling on her feet...Just look...at the street sign with bullet holes its truly time...Just look at this picture again, don't let your heart fail you there's work ahead! Its ready, its ripe, its time...Just look, his kingdom is coming, don't fear don't fret, just don't forget...Just look at yourself and say, what am i doing to reach a soul today... Just look...at the family of 5 holding up..a I'm hungry sign..Just look...there's a man who has not clue what to say..instead he wonders where he will lay..Just look..at the community so deep in need..will you go..will you fight..will you say its time for Gods kingdom to shine..just look and see get on your knee..fight for the light..to shine tonight.

JUST LOOK!!!

i wrote this thinking as i drove with my daughter down the streets of East Salinas. We were driving and praying down every street as we rode in the dusk of the night. As we drove down elkington, pacific, garner, del monte, casitas, mae, green, sieber, my heart said just look. One day it will be filled with children playing, not worried about the dark coming, filled with the love of God. filled with hope filled with peace..its not just some far distant dream. It is reality it will happen. JUST Look...it motivates me. it causes me to revolutionize the way i think, the way if see things. It is not impossible...because with God all this are possible! Dream...

I love The old school Nike Stuff

You don't stand in front of a mirror before a run
wondering what the road will think of your outfit.
You don't have to listen to its jokes and
pretend they're funny in order to run on
it.
It would not be easier to run if you
dressed sexier.
The road doesn't notice if you're not
wearing lipstick.
Does not care how old you are.
You do not feel uncomfortable because you
make more money than the road.
And you can call on the road whenever you feel like it. Whether it's
been a day or even a couple of hours since your last
date.
The only thing the road cares about, is
that you pay it a visit once in a while.
Nike. No games...just sports.

Sooner or later, you start taking yourself seriously. You know when you need a break. You know when you need a rest. You know what to get worked up about and what to get rid of. And you know when it's time to take care of yourself, for yourself. To do something that makes you stronger, faster, more complete. Because you know it's never too late to have a life. And never too late to change one.

Si Se Puede!

YES its been forever. Im still running. Im still going forward. Im still pressing on towards the goal. The Run is in November and its September. I still have so much more training to run a full 3.2 miles, but im going to do it whether i run the whole thing or i walk and run. Im not giving up im a fighter im doing it. HAHHA YES DONT GIVE UP! Im surrounded daily by those reminders of giving up, of saying dont do it, why run, why even think of it!! BUT then i say no push harder push until you cant push anymore. That's life right. That's what we have to do if we want to accomplish anything in life. WE HAVE TO PUSH. I hear the whole Rocky song in my head...only its Misty Edwards singing I will run. I will run I will run..Cuz all i want is the Lord and what he has for my life. This run is not about being fit. or saying OH i ran a 5K but to look at how far i have come in life and say I DID this with the help of the only lover worthy of my life!!! So if you feel like you are about to throw that towel in and say I quit. DONT DO IT push hard!!! Its in that one moment that you dont quit that you realize I HAVE COME THIS FAR, and ill go until i see the finish line in front of me! DONT QUIT~~~ SI SE PUEDE~~ YES I CAN~~

BLURRY

Have you ever thought to yourself, "Self, why are you not focused right now?" Then something or someone or whatever comes your way and bumps you and you realize, "WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING?" It is like you have been wearing glasses that are not the right prescription and you take them off, and you realize wow...I have been wearing the wrong glasses! It is in the moment you realize I need to refocus and stop seeing blurry. When you see blurry you really cannot make clear decisions, and it is in that blurry state, that if you are not careful, you can make a decision that can alter your future. Why do i say this, well, because not having clear vision doesn't allow you to see where you are going, it does not allow you to see the vision that God has for your life. Living in an almost blind states keeps you from fully engaging in the purpose that you are intended for. We can become so comfortable living in this state that we do not realize that we are almost blind from living with blurred vision. Sometimes, i live this way because i am comfortable with where i am. I am comfortable with who i am that i do not take off the glasses and see who i have become. Be free. Live with clear vision!

Another School Year.......

Today marked the first day of another school year. So here is my top 1o reasons why you know its the first day of SCHOOL

1o. Spending money on things my kid already had for school

9. Traffic at 0745 in front of the school because the parking lot is not done

8. NOOOOOOOOOOOO PARKING

7. Changing my schedule to accomidate the new year

6. Making breakfast (ugh) do i have to cook.

5. Getting to the school 45 minutes before school lets out cuz you want a parking

4. NEW SHOES

3. Your child goes to bed at 8 p.m. and gets up at 0600

2. You realize omg its 0730 and i havent made my kid lunch...

THE NUMBER ONE REASON YOU KNOW ITS THE FIRST DAY..........................

YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON 10 times before you get up and realize you have 10 minutes before you have to be at the school......

MY STAFF IS COOL

THESE ARE MY AMAZING STAFF..AND I LUB EM!!! YES. CRYSTAL, ERIKA, AND DANIEL ROCK..YOU SHOULD COME ROCK WITH US!!!!!

UGH PMS...can u say OH WOW

I want to eat everything. Have you ever felt that way. Its that week or so before the actual week of that monthly visit, and you want to eat salty, sweet, salty, etc. ITS THE WHOLE FEELING OMG I WANT TO EAT EVERYTHING!!!!! I wanted jack and the box, then i want to eat carrot Cake..its the whole overwhelming feeling, the feeling like you have no control..UGHHH I WANT CANDY!!!!! yes i am freaking out right now, i need to run. I wonder if Paul felt this way, the up and down feeling. He had a purpose, he had a goal, he had a motivation, but sometimes there was no growth, there were those feelings of UGHHHH i want to quit and just give in and who cares of ASIA doesn't hear about the gospel, BUT he didnt quit! HE didnt eat the chocolate chip cookie! He DIDNT GIVE IN to his flesh, He said i press on toward what is in front of me, forgetting what was behind. Dont give up, dont give up. JUST RUN. See its in that moment when you run, that you feel like you are invinsible, that there is a goal in front of you and you dont quit cuz you ate ice cream you get your pink nikes on lace em up AND GO.

p.s i love erika soto. she made me smile today!

Friends....(who are true)

Sometimes there are people who come into your life and you realize THESE ARE MY FRIENDS! A friend is defined as one attached to another by affection or esteem, one who is not hostile. A friend is someone who will love you not for what you can give but for who you are. There are many people who may consider you to be their friend, however are they truly your friend or just someone who is acquainted  with you by name and face. I found that friendship is valuable, and those who are closer than a brother will remain in your life permanently and walk with you through the ups and downs of life. I am grateful for my friends, the true friends I have that will remain till this life is over or God comes to take us home. Dont miss out on a friendship that could last a life time....oh and yes Pellingrino is my favorite water..(im prissy like that)...

Today

Im not sure why i decided to take up running, well at this point trying to run (hahahha) but for all of us who have been over weight and sometimes think we could not ever over come the battle of weight this is for you. I got up today and realized OMG i have to go run today. its the 3rd week of training and its right about now that i begin to quit things. But as i rolled over and looked at my daughter, she said mommy are you ready to work out. Im going to put my shoes on. Thats all it took, i said ok lets go. She put her tennis and her cute outfit on, and i put my cool pink running shoes on and our journey begun.  Sometimes when you want to quit there is always someone who is there to push you. Whether is your 6 year old little girl, or your friend who is faithful to help you complete your goal of running your 5K.  God has taught me so much through this, mostly endurance, do we have the endurance to run this race and to really go forward and WAKEY WAKEY the giant inside of us. To press toward the mark, to run the race He has designed for us, to forget the small things....Tim McGraw sings a song, "Live like you were dying" I am not dying, and im not just existing I am living. I will tell the world of the faith i have not just in God, but in myself to over come the obstacles that are placed in front of us!!!

The sound of FREEDOM

The blue angels were here this weekend, and my friend, who is the Navy taught me the sound of freedom is so precious. As the angels flew over our city, the sound of the engines roaring caused me to realize we live in a nation that is free. The sound of freedom is amazing. Freedom is taken for granted here in the UNITED STATES. In other places, peoples lives are dictated to, you are told who you will worship, you are told to walk behind your husband, you are not free. In other nations you are told what and when to talk and walk...BUT here we are free!! The Blue angels, are a symbol of this freedom that we have. We are able to do things other people cannot, yet we take it for granted. As my friend told me, we need to wake up and see the beauty of Freedom! 

The first of many reason why....

This is the primary reason why i started to run!

She is my all, my everything, my world. I am her mommy, and I decided to run so i live to see her grow!