Emancipated or Enslaved?

The sound of chains in my head is loud! It reminds me of the never ending battle that your heart and your mind tries to forget about being a slave. Slavery was ugly, it was fierce, it was dirty, it was everything we do not want to remember. The sound of the men and women in boats, stripped of their native land, language, culture, families and identity. Wailing from deep within their soul for the comfort of knowing they were safe, but never finding comfort. Instead, they found themselves in a land foreign to them. A land that they knew not of. A land where they would be beaten, bruised, and the very life almost taken from them. Forced to forget who there were as Africans, and forced to become someone else.

This is Slavery. Forced to become someone else under someone's control. Forced to be stripped of your very dignity and your identity. Although I did not experience slavery as so many americans ancestors have, I have experienced spiritual slavery. YES! There is such a thing. Its that very moment when you realize that you are doing the very thing that you know is wrong. He who knows to do right and does not do it, well its sin. It is bondage. That my friend, is slavery. It happens.

It holds on to us, it controls us, it makes us so immune to it that it is common to us. So common that when we try to figure out what is wrong with us we look right pass it because it has become so normal we do not see anymore. Imagine you have been with your sigfigigant other for over 8 years. You have lived together, maybe you have children. However, you have never become husband and wife (married). After so many years of being together, they call your relationship "common law-marriage." When you are married, you commit to someone for the rest of your life, you vow to love and honor them, you say I DO.

So because you are now married under the common-law rule, you are commited to your signifigant other. This is how we become enslaved to something that we have done for so long we do not realize it is wrong. It has taught us to look past the beauty of true marriage, and it counterfits itself for the real thing. It disguises itself under "common-law." BUT, it is still wrong. God wants to emancipate us from this. He wants to free us from the mentality that is enslaving us and keeping us from seeing truth. When you are a slave to sin, you cannot see past what you are doing. However, God says I want to free you from this, I want to free you from the chains that are around your hands and feet.

Gods word is more powerful than any other word. His word is truth, life, and freedom. He doesnt have to sign a paper that says you are free! He gave His son as the offering for our freedom. He resurrected him so we could see the power that He has to keep us from falling back under the chains that keep us prone to weakness.

I struggled with so many things and it wasnt till today that God showed me: I do not have to walk with shackles and chains. I do not have to live commonly with my sin that I dont even recognize who I am.

Because He is My father, I am his child, marked and distinguished with a finger print only he knows. I am emancipated from the bondage of slavery. Dead to sin..ALIVE to Christ.

Romans 6:18:
Now you are free from your slavery to sin, and you have become slaves to righteous living.

Time

Time flies when you are having fun! I was reading my earlier posts from when i started this journey of a lifetime, and I realized that I have not posted a blog since January. This must mean I am too busy to actually sit and think of all the things that have happen in my life. Im here again, making goals, setting limits, and saying to myself YES YOU CAN! Im very upset with myself because I have stopped running, eating well, and taking care of my sugars, but i had a profound moment this summer. I realized I cannot live with this extra weight! It is uncomfortable and I have to change what I am doing.

It's frustrating when you are over weight, all tho, i know i am wonderfully and fearfully made, my humanistic desires have made me forget that I am created in God's image. Therefore, if I am created in His image, I must remember that this body needs to resemble Him. With that said, I am on my journey AGAIN. This time documenting everything that I do. I made a few goals to help me. Im very nervous about this because i have such a long way to go. I am anxious about it but know with God all things are possible.

So, I am here to tell you do not quit. I am not going to quit! I am going to press on to the mark of Christ Jesus, and I know I can do all things because he gives me strength.

Be encouraged today. Remember do not be sad because he gives you a song....

I am not your average girl...

So today after hearing words from an individual to another individual i realized, i am not your average girl. I realized that in the past, my relationships with others have been unhealthy and really at times maybe inappropriate, but I realized today, IM NOT YOUR AVERAGE GIRL, i like so many have made mistakes in the past, but use those mistakes to make my life better. I use those issues that i faced to make me stronger. It is not easy saying I made a mistake, but it is in those mistakes that character is formed and shaped. It is like the word of God that is useful for teaching, rebuking, edifying, lifting up, etc...It forms who you are, its alive so therfore it speaks. It shapes you into the stronger person you are and will become. Its always funny to realize you have grown, and you can look back at those experiences and realize man that mess is a message that will reach others and help others realize that they will make it in life. Life is not always a bed of roses...but thank God that you can make lemonade outta the lemons you get in life....

...just a note from an not so average girl......

Dial 911

As I watched the news today, I was thinking about the numbers 911. Those 3 little numbers get us connected to the emergency services that we need to come help us. Whether it be the ambulance, fire department, or police all 3 of those services respond to 911. They respond to crisis immediately and as fast as they can to assist whoever needs the help. It is the same with God. He responds to our 911 situation. At times it is not how we want Him to respond, but He does. He also has 3 emergency services for us. God the father, God the son, and God the Holy Spirit. Each one helps us in our crisis situation. Each one compliments the other in order for His will to be accomplished in us. Sometimes it feels like the fire is hot and the flames are going to burn us up and we need the fire department, but God says to not be anxious for anything, instead bring all our needs to Him in prayer. Life can have those moment that we need to dial 911 and sometimes it feels as if we need an ambulance to take us to the hospital for major work, but the Holy spirit does His work as a comforter in the time of pain, heartache, rejection, fear, etc. So as God showed me this, i said to myself, I need to remember that I have a direct speed dial to the greatest 911 operator....GOD.

10 years ago.

10 years ago seems like yesterday...

the year 2000 was the big Y2K ahah i remember waiting on new years to see if my computer worked and hearing of people storing food for the mass chaos that was about to happen. WOW never did. Were you one of those who was panicking and wondering what would happen..then 2001 came. Wow. this was a life changing year for me, i met my ex husband in june of 2001 and we were married in december 2001. I think about that moment. That time i walked into the door of the church and asked am i doing the right thing? It is true what Jeremiah says, The heart is deceitfully wicked. This is so true because sometimes You think you know what you want, and in reality well, its not what you need. Then came 2002, the most memorable by far. I got pregnant in 2002 with my baby girl, im not sure if i was ready, well you really are never ready to be a parent, but Miss Sunshine was there. I remember the first time i felt her flutter in my womb. It moved my heart because something inside of me was growing. (amazing) The first doc appt set, we hear the heart beat, the joy of tears, and they say November 30 is your due date. Time goes bye....spring turns to fall, then on october 7, 2002 I go to the doctor. What was a routine check up, led me to the hospital to deliver Miss Iliana Rebekah Xochitl Baldwin. Scared and unsure what was happening my week long visit to the hospital had me go into emergency sugery and premature delivery of a 3.2lb baby girl. Most scariest time of my life, but somehow the sound of thunder happen and they took this tiny little thing from inside of my womb, she screamed at the top of her lungs.... her dad watching the doctors as they say wow those are lungs, finally they bring her over to me..this tiny small orange sized head filled with dark brown hairs, her eyes looking at me saying hello, was finally here. She was as shoe box baby. Only problem was her weight. 2 weeks later she came home...on halloween..cutest little 4lb baby ever...i dont remember much of 2003-2004 i know they came and left, as i was in a functioning state of depression with the way life was going and a crazy battle with the consequences of doing what you want not what GOd wants...2005..well this changed my life forever. Separation, fear, tears, hate, love, unforgiveness, confusion, pain, abandonment, all the things that can happen as you change you status from Married to confusing to ultimately divorce. but its ok because 2005 ended and 2006 begun.Iliana in school Healing, reconciliation with God, health, positive self image..all the things that happen when God begins the process of healing. This is the year i fell in love with my work all over again; I was free from feeling depressed! 2007 a year of perfection. Iliana starts 1st grade and her life changes from being this shy intimidated little girl to this stronger more outgoing kid who is amazing. I begin to see there is hope..New friends come into my life the best friends ever. 2008 change change change change No more youth pastoring just Young Life more community work, more decisions more completion to the process of divorce...iliana goes to 1 grade..wow. amazing..she is stronger she is smarter she is wiser..i can see that i can love and trust again. AMAZING then 2009 comes..my assignment at lost canyon changed my heart for things..i met amazing people, i love more i see clearer im not afraid anymore...so much has happen in the the past 10 years..i could write all night...but the most important thing of all that has changed....IS ME!

I look forward to 2010. I never thought i would see it, but it is here. I have goals and things to accomplish. There are things i want to do new places to visit, new relationships to hold on too and more discovering the beautiful thing we call life..........

here is to 2010......

Task Completed~

Have you ever made a goal and not completed it? Shake your head and say yes! We all have done this, we all have not completed the task at hand. But i am here to tell you I competed the race. It was harder than I thought, but then again goals are often hard. They are those thorns in your flesh that cause you to question everything about you. It is harder then anything and everything sometimes. HA. I am sure I will continue to run. There is something about it that makes you feel like PUSH yourself harder so that you do not give up. Theres the high of the 2 mile that you run and feel like its therapy for you soul. Theres the cold early morning breeze that hits your legs and you are so cold that you are questioning the daunting thought of WHY AM I RUNNING AT 6am or at 9pm. But the satisfaction comes when you realize you ran farther than you did 2 days ago. Thats how life is. thats how the journey is. You go farther then you did yesterday. You quit doing what you know is wrong so that you go further in your life. You dont compromise your beliefs for the sake of making friends. You push you run, you go forward. I heard someone the other day say i like (blank) because they let me be who I am. It made my stomach curl because the person who they mentioned is a follower of Christ and they enable others to continue in their destructive behavior that will lead to pain and suffering. Makes me sick to know people cant man or woman up to say run, run, run and do what is right. Forgive and love, forgive and be forgiven. Instead people chose to compromise and not run the race because they are weak. I am weak at times but i know God can give me strength to over come the race! Ha. ya thats it. ONLY through God can you say I CAN!.....(real talk).......

YES IM BACK (its been forever)

So....Yes, i am back! Its been over a month since i blogged, its October, and that means Pumpkin Patch for Young Life. With that said it means I have been working a lot. I am still on my weight loss journey! I got sick a few weeks back so i stopped running but i picked it up again and im getting back on track! It is so frustrating when you stop running and you start all over especially with a crazy schedule it is almost like you wanna quit but something inside says DONT stop running!! I dont want to stop i want to continue to run, i want to eat as healthy as I can..So for all you who wanna QUIT! Keep going. Pursue the dream, pursue your goal! You Can! I can!!! I will hit that goal!!!! Its October and November 14 is soon. sooo my run is in 2 weeks OMG. wow. I will do it! I will survive!! hey hey!!!

PICS of what you missed for the month

My pop singing to my Uncle....(thank you Lord for Familia)The Mendoza Cousins
Ilianas 7th year at pumpkin Patch

another YL pumpkin patch daySoooo cute!!!

ilianas birthday! i like this pic of me and one my BF's crystal...

Ilianas cake for her birthday

Iliana working at the pumpkin Patch

New Hair..

Crystal with her vampire teeth at the pumpkin patch